Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

It's hard to think that a year ago right now, I was finding out and freaking out about the fact that I have a half brother that I never knew about from my dad's youth. It was kind of a life flipping moment... finding out about him. And, after a day of homework and freaking out, I went to a New Year's party at a friends where we took ridiculous amounts of PhotoBooth pictures on my computer and watched the Dark Knight.

Not a bad New Year's, but I think this one my just top it.

Today, after a day of homework (this isn't procrastination, I swear!... ha), I'm going to the mall with one my my best friends and (ALERT: classic teenager moment ahead) we are going to get our ears double (me) and triple (her) pierced together. I am very, very excited.

I will be spending the night at said friends house where we will have a lot of fun watching movies and hanging out and waiting for 2010 to start. I'll be starting the year off with my favorite people and I couldn't be happier.

So... what exactly happened in 2009? Well, let's recap.

I lost my best friend. You could say we grew apart, but I don't think that's what I'd call it. It hurt like hell and I hope it never happens again and that it never happens to any of you. There was a lot of drama that went down sophomore year that makes me more than happy it's over.

I gained four best friends. I'd always been friends with all of them, but something clicked this year that brought us all together and just worked. I know I've written about them before on here, on twitter... everywhere. But that's just because I'm so thankful for them. After being surrounded by people who didn't understand me, didn't like me because of who they thought I was, ignored me, expected me to be a person that I'm simply not, having people who actually know everything about me and love me despite my faults and shortcomings is such a joy and such a treasure. They've become some of the most important people of my life and I hope our friendships last forever.

I went to this law camp (that no one hears the end of, apparently) which really changed the way I look at things and really inspired me to be a lawyer.

For the first time in my memory, my family did not go to Lake Tahoe this summer. I know that it doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but it's the only time I see my cousins, the only time I spend time with them, and it's a place that I love to be because I've grown up there in so many ways. We went to Sea Ranch instead which was fun and absolutely gorgeous, but only one of my mom's two sisters were there, which really put a downer on it. It gave everyone something to complain about, though, which was kind of fun in it's own way. The thing that really pissed everyone off was that in the same week we were at Sea Ranch, that family was about 150 miles south of us, still in California. My family, one of my cousins, and I didn't get to see them at all and everyone else spent one dinner with them. I haven't seen or spoken to my east coast cousins in over a year. According to their mom, we have no kind of relationship.

I went to a Green Day concert. It was amazing. Beyond amazing. No words.

I went to my first small venue concert to see Mayday Parade, The Secret Handshake, Set Your Goals, and The Academy Is.... That was pretty awesome too, made even better by the fact we were in San Diego and I was with one of my best friends. Love, love, love, love, love.
Two weeks later, I found myself in the middle of Knott's Scary Farm.  SO much fun.  Lots of laughter, lots of memories. "In a general THATISH way..." We adopted monsters.
Junior Retreat is a big memory. I really didn't want to leave because things just worked... our usually dramatic class was pretty calm and I really liked it.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all of December has really been a mush of fun stuff, minus school.

This year has been a lot about ups and downs.  I've learned a LOT. I've learned about ups and downs.  I've learned the importance of true friends. I've learned about what it means to be who you are.  I've learned a lot about who I am.  I've learned if a person wants you to change, they aren't worth your time. I've gained friends. I've lost friends. I've lived, loved, and cried.
I don't think I would change a minute of this year.

Happy New Year's, everyone! Hope it's a blast.

Christmas Presents!

This is the very, very, very first year I have ever bought Christmas presents for anyone. And I'm love it so much.

If I don't get anything for Christmas, that's honestly fine. If none of my friends or family get me anything, I really don't mind. Because just giving stuff, going and finding things I know they'll love is all I really want to do. The gift of giving is really getting to me this year. I'm just so excited about getting people stuff. It's not the thing itself, but thinking of what I should get them, what they'll appreciate, something they'll know took effort, thought, and love. Obviously, I can't post the presents for my friends on here (since I have at least two regular readers who I'm getting presents for), so I will post what I got my parents.

Going by age...

I got my dad his favorite Beatles' album on vinyl at this little record store in Monrovia. It's an original and my pride and joy gift so far. He has no idea what's coming.

I got my mom a very expensive, very nice iPod Classic case to go with the iPod Classic my dad got her. That's going to be exciting too. Especially since it will keep that thing protected.

I got my brother David a Beatles' tshirt. It's blue and he'll love it because he loves the Beatles more than anyone I know.

And, finally, I got my other brother John a Cookie Monster tshirt. He loves cookies. He loves Sesame Street. Perfect match? I think so.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Downtown LA with my friend David, which will be lots and lots of fun, I am sure. Tuesday, I get my friends' presents, which will probably be one of the highlights of my week. Wednesday, I wrap my presents and clean my room. And clean my room. And clean my room. Thursday, I deliver my presents to my friends. Friday, Christmas! It's just me and my family for Christmas dinner (sweatpants at the dinner table FTW), so we'll have a great time. Friday... ohhh Friday. What will you bring?

I hope you all have a very, very Merry Christmas.

Love,

Emily

Not related to twitter posts or facebook posts in the slightest.

I met a girl who is a bossy, perfectionist, know-it-all preteen.

You probably know those types.

I don't blame anyone for disliking them. I mean, really. When you get away from them after being bossed around for awhile... you feel like exploding.

God, do I know that feeling.

But still...

What kills me is how much of who I was at 13 I see in her.

Insecure.

Bossy.

Know-It-All.

Annoying.

Completely lacking all confidence except in the things I knew about: politics, english, autism.

And taking out all of my anger on those around me by acting like I knew everything.

Like that would make me any closer to being "equal" to them.

So I always thought myself slightly better: more mature, more responsible.

I knew things I probably shouldn't have known for someone that age.

I'd seen things I probably shouldn't have seen.

I was pissed off, sad, scared, and I abhorred myself.

I didn't have any friends.

I talked to people who were much older than me, acting like an equal because I wasn't treated like one by my peers.

So... whenever I see her, I just want to cry. I know her look. I know what goes through her head. Because it all went through mine at that age too.

So if you ever happen to meet a preteen like this... try to feel a bit of compassion: she probably dislikes herself even more than you dislike her.

And being cruel or mean to her may just cut wounds that take years to heal.

I know I'm still recovering.

Dearest You

Please stop changing yourself. You are who you are. You will always be who you are. The people who have known you for longer know that you're lying or faking it. The new faces you are putting on aren't real. You know it, we know. You were always so proud of who you are, but look what's happened now. You've become the person you have always scorned and sworn to never be: close minded and completely not yourself.

If people don't like you for who you truly are, then why give them the time of day?

You're funny, kind, smart, rational, fun-loving, outgoing, and completely at one with who you are.

Or, at least, you used to be.