I am...

Really, really, really, really good at whining.

So... let's start all over again.

HI BLOGSPOT!
My name is Emily.
I'm sixteen and I enjoy hanging out with my friends, listening to music, and having fun.

I'm really challenging myself to be more positive this summer because being negative not only makes me feel awful, but it also affects everyone around me and puts a negative tint on the entire world.
So I'm going to retry this whole thing all over again. Because being happy is better.

LOVE,
Me

All Too Much

1. Read a poem today that kind of made my heart break in two. I never knew that you could be that sad. Everyone who reads this has GOT to know... don't let a friendship end without having a real conversation. Don't let a friend completely walk away and never let them know you miss them. Because that friend might just find out anyway... but in a way that makes you both uncomfortable.

2. My heart hurts. I never knew missing a person that wasn't worth your time could be so painful.

Can I Just Whine For Two Seconds?

I AM SO TIRED.
This class is so fucking ridiculous, it is insane. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I fucking hate it.

It is almost four in the morning.
I have to be up in an hour and a half.

And we had to do these last weekend to.

I HATE THIS.

AHH.

I cannot wait to get out of this house.
I cannot wait to call another room my room.
I cannot wait to say some other place is home.

I can't take this place anymore.
Yelling, screaming, the TV is always on LOUD.
I just want some peace and fucking quiet.
I just need OUT.

The Thing I Need To Learn

With these people, it's okay to get annoyed. It's okay to not be happy with them. It's okay to not always be smiling. And it's okay to say how you actually, truly feel.

I'm sorry I didn't say everything upfront like I should have. I've never been able to do that before. My friendships have always been about putting up a front, wearing a different face, and being a version of yourself for someone else.

I'm learning more and more that, not only should I not do that, doing that hurts more than helps.

I love my friends more than anything. Problem? Call me in the middle of the night, middle of the day, and no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you're doing, I'll be there. Because I love you. And that's what we do for people we love.

(Post Script: I'm making a collage of friends and people I love on a new empty space of my wall. So... if you have any pictures, send them to me< 3)

To All Loved Ones

When finals or anything stressful comes around, I stop doing anything I should be doing and start preoccupying myself with reminding myself how horrible of a person I am.

Which can be fairly true.

Just remember that if I am ridiculously "Emily is the stupidest and most ugly person in the world who does everything wrong," I'm just stressed and hating on myself.

Much love,

Emily

The New Year's Resolution Blog

A lot of people have been doing this, so I figured I would join in despite the fact I am late.

So... New Year's resolutions are working a little differently for me this year. It's more about self awareness, less about changing myself. Let's start with the list, shall we?

Number 1: Stereotypical New Year's resolution of almost everyone I know: lose weight and get fit. This has been my resolution for half my life now.... not an exaggeration in the slightest. I feel gross and icky and I want to feel good about how I look. I want to be fit and able to run. Which is something I am working on, actually... much more so than I ever have in the past. And it's going well. Much better than I had expected.

Number 2: Cut down on swearing. I didn't really care that much about this one until today, actually. I had a difficult driving day (don't really want to talk about it) with a few friends in the car and was cursing quite a bit. The thing is: I didn't even know it. That scares me... to be yelling out curse words without noticing or really caring. Yikes. I felt bad and angry with myself. Despite how stressed I get, I would like to know I can control myself, especially when it comes to the way I talk.

Number 3: Be less sarcastic. Now, for you who know me well, this is going to seem like an impossible feat. I am extremely sarcastic. Every other thing that comes out of my mouth is sarcastic. I just can't stop. Another thing that scares me. I know it's a habit that drives my friends crazy sometimes because it's never ending and annoying. I mean, who wants to deal with someone who constant is throwing out smart aleck responses? No one.

Number 4: Be more reliable. I'm terrible at being reliable. At least, when it comes to doing things. I want people to know they can count on me when they need help and that I will do whatever I can to help without forgetting, which I always do. I really dislike that part about me and I want it to change.

Number 5: Stop using strong words as much as I do. I've known people who refuse to say hate, but say love all the time. I mean, that's a good thing, to love and not hate; to give love freely and not give hate a chance to rear its ugly head. But, I feel like both words are a little overused. Personally, I don't hate. There may be awful people in the world, but I don't hate. Hatred is something too angry, dark, and low for me to understand. I dislike, but not hate. And love is beautiful, happy... it's great and wonderful and powerful. But when a person says they love this and they love that... the word loses its power and meaning. Love is a big word to throw around, in my opinion. It means more than most give it credit for.

Number 6: Help my family more. Because I know I don't do enough around the house, like helping with the dog or keeping my room clean.

Number 7: Work harder in school because it matters. And I need a good work ethic.

Number 8: Make this a year full of memories and good times. I can't afford a bad year tainted by petty fights. Hopefully all of my resolutions will help this happen.

2009 was the year I wanted to find who I am. Instead, I found people I love and love me.

2010, you are the year I become who I have always wanted to be.