Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

It's hard to think that a year ago right now, I was finding out and freaking out about the fact that I have a half brother that I never knew about from my dad's youth. It was kind of a life flipping moment... finding out about him. And, after a day of homework and freaking out, I went to a New Year's party at a friends where we took ridiculous amounts of PhotoBooth pictures on my computer and watched the Dark Knight.

Not a bad New Year's, but I think this one my just top it.

Today, after a day of homework (this isn't procrastination, I swear!... ha), I'm going to the mall with one my my best friends and (ALERT: classic teenager moment ahead) we are going to get our ears double (me) and triple (her) pierced together. I am very, very excited.

I will be spending the night at said friends house where we will have a lot of fun watching movies and hanging out and waiting for 2010 to start. I'll be starting the year off with my favorite people and I couldn't be happier.

So... what exactly happened in 2009? Well, let's recap.

I lost my best friend. You could say we grew apart, but I don't think that's what I'd call it. It hurt like hell and I hope it never happens again and that it never happens to any of you. There was a lot of drama that went down sophomore year that makes me more than happy it's over.

I gained four best friends. I'd always been friends with all of them, but something clicked this year that brought us all together and just worked. I know I've written about them before on here, on twitter... everywhere. But that's just because I'm so thankful for them. After being surrounded by people who didn't understand me, didn't like me because of who they thought I was, ignored me, expected me to be a person that I'm simply not, having people who actually know everything about me and love me despite my faults and shortcomings is such a joy and such a treasure. They've become some of the most important people of my life and I hope our friendships last forever.

I went to this law camp (that no one hears the end of, apparently) which really changed the way I look at things and really inspired me to be a lawyer.

For the first time in my memory, my family did not go to Lake Tahoe this summer. I know that it doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but it's the only time I see my cousins, the only time I spend time with them, and it's a place that I love to be because I've grown up there in so many ways. We went to Sea Ranch instead which was fun and absolutely gorgeous, but only one of my mom's two sisters were there, which really put a downer on it. It gave everyone something to complain about, though, which was kind of fun in it's own way. The thing that really pissed everyone off was that in the same week we were at Sea Ranch, that family was about 150 miles south of us, still in California. My family, one of my cousins, and I didn't get to see them at all and everyone else spent one dinner with them. I haven't seen or spoken to my east coast cousins in over a year. According to their mom, we have no kind of relationship.

I went to a Green Day concert. It was amazing. Beyond amazing. No words.

I went to my first small venue concert to see Mayday Parade, The Secret Handshake, Set Your Goals, and The Academy Is.... That was pretty awesome too, made even better by the fact we were in San Diego and I was with one of my best friends. Love, love, love, love, love.
Two weeks later, I found myself in the middle of Knott's Scary Farm.  SO much fun.  Lots of laughter, lots of memories. "In a general THATISH way..." We adopted monsters.
Junior Retreat is a big memory. I really didn't want to leave because things just worked... our usually dramatic class was pretty calm and I really liked it.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all of December has really been a mush of fun stuff, minus school.

This year has been a lot about ups and downs.  I've learned a LOT. I've learned about ups and downs.  I've learned the importance of true friends. I've learned about what it means to be who you are.  I've learned a lot about who I am.  I've learned if a person wants you to change, they aren't worth your time. I've gained friends. I've lost friends. I've lived, loved, and cried.
I don't think I would change a minute of this year.

Happy New Year's, everyone! Hope it's a blast.

Christmas Presents!

This is the very, very, very first year I have ever bought Christmas presents for anyone. And I'm love it so much.

If I don't get anything for Christmas, that's honestly fine. If none of my friends or family get me anything, I really don't mind. Because just giving stuff, going and finding things I know they'll love is all I really want to do. The gift of giving is really getting to me this year. I'm just so excited about getting people stuff. It's not the thing itself, but thinking of what I should get them, what they'll appreciate, something they'll know took effort, thought, and love. Obviously, I can't post the presents for my friends on here (since I have at least two regular readers who I'm getting presents for), so I will post what I got my parents.

Going by age...

I got my dad his favorite Beatles' album on vinyl at this little record store in Monrovia. It's an original and my pride and joy gift so far. He has no idea what's coming.

I got my mom a very expensive, very nice iPod Classic case to go with the iPod Classic my dad got her. That's going to be exciting too. Especially since it will keep that thing protected.

I got my brother David a Beatles' tshirt. It's blue and he'll love it because he loves the Beatles more than anyone I know.

And, finally, I got my other brother John a Cookie Monster tshirt. He loves cookies. He loves Sesame Street. Perfect match? I think so.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Downtown LA with my friend David, which will be lots and lots of fun, I am sure. Tuesday, I get my friends' presents, which will probably be one of the highlights of my week. Wednesday, I wrap my presents and clean my room. And clean my room. And clean my room. Thursday, I deliver my presents to my friends. Friday, Christmas! It's just me and my family for Christmas dinner (sweatpants at the dinner table FTW), so we'll have a great time. Friday... ohhh Friday. What will you bring?

I hope you all have a very, very Merry Christmas.

Love,

Emily

Not related to twitter posts or facebook posts in the slightest.

I met a girl who is a bossy, perfectionist, know-it-all preteen.

You probably know those types.

I don't blame anyone for disliking them. I mean, really. When you get away from them after being bossed around for awhile... you feel like exploding.

God, do I know that feeling.

But still...

What kills me is how much of who I was at 13 I see in her.

Insecure.

Bossy.

Know-It-All.

Annoying.

Completely lacking all confidence except in the things I knew about: politics, english, autism.

And taking out all of my anger on those around me by acting like I knew everything.

Like that would make me any closer to being "equal" to them.

So I always thought myself slightly better: more mature, more responsible.

I knew things I probably shouldn't have known for someone that age.

I'd seen things I probably shouldn't have seen.

I was pissed off, sad, scared, and I abhorred myself.

I didn't have any friends.

I talked to people who were much older than me, acting like an equal because I wasn't treated like one by my peers.

So... whenever I see her, I just want to cry. I know her look. I know what goes through her head. Because it all went through mine at that age too.

So if you ever happen to meet a preteen like this... try to feel a bit of compassion: she probably dislikes herself even more than you dislike her.

And being cruel or mean to her may just cut wounds that take years to heal.

I know I'm still recovering.

Dearest You

Please stop changing yourself. You are who you are. You will always be who you are. The people who have known you for longer know that you're lying or faking it. The new faces you are putting on aren't real. You know it, we know. You were always so proud of who you are, but look what's happened now. You've become the person you have always scorned and sworn to never be: close minded and completely not yourself.

If people don't like you for who you truly are, then why give them the time of day?

You're funny, kind, smart, rational, fun-loving, outgoing, and completely at one with who you are.

Or, at least, you used to be.

To Emily, From Lili

soo this is lili

emily's friend for anyone who doesn't know

and basically this amazazing friend of mine trusted me enough to lend me her computer for the weekend so i could do my homework

...and leave me a letter that said i should write on her blog(just so you know i'm not hacking or anything)

so, i figured, seeing as i am unable to force myself to do the homework i should be doing, i might as well write

ladeeda ladeeda

Emiloo is one of the greatest friends i have ever had and if you have been blessed with having her in your life, than you know just how wonderful she is. if you know her and haven't become friends with her...trust me, you're missing out. And she is completely open to being your friend so if you're nice to her (which you bloody well should be or i will be angry. and you won't like me when i'm mad) you're pretty much guaranteed to be friends with her.

it's really wierd how we became friends...in fact i'm not even very sure how it happened. all i know is that freshmen year, we were nice to each other, shared a couple jokes now and again, bonded over the fact that we were jewish and had curly hair....and liked Twilight (bleh) and the next year it was pretty much the same. Until one day i was really upset about something, lord knows what it was, and i called her or was texting her, and somehow it was decided that she should come over to my house.

when she got here i told her everything. and i mean everything. not just about what i was upset with but things that had happened in my life that were hurtful to me or that made me happy or whatever. we somehow fell asleep and by the time we woke up the next morning, i was literally dizzy with the emptiness of my mind. i had told her in that one day everything that i had ever wanted to tell anyone but just not been able to and now i there was nothing banging around in my head bursting to get out.

so, i made her pancakes and i made her a mixed CD and she left

but that was only the beginning. now it's almost a ritual. no matter what is going on, if we get together for any reason, we end up talking about everything (instead of doing what we're supposed to be doing i should add)

our friendship is something i treasure more than many things and i'm hoping that it will last forever.

in honor of that endlessness, i choose not to end this post but to say

i love you emily from your friend Lili

and i..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................v......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

<3>

You know those people

Who make you smile by just being there?

Who make you love life when you feel like you're at your worst?

Who make you want to laugh, sing, dance, and cry all at the same time?

Who can take a shitty week and turn it into something amazing?

Who inspire you to be better in everything?

Who you don't spend a weekend without?

Who know everything and anything there is to know about you?

Who being yourself comes naturally when they're around?

Who always seem to know the right thing to say?

Who not saying anything around is simply perfect?

Who make awkward silences impossible?

Who you can say literally anything to?

Who you could never imagine your life without?

Some people only have one or two of these friends.

I've been blessed or something.

I have four.

Or, as one of them said "angels in the form of friends."

Love you guys!

Emily

16

You know, it doesn't feel any different, really. I mean, other than the fact that it's the age I have always associated with being a teenager, I really don't feel anything special.

Sweet Sixteen.

Weird.

It was a decent day. Nothing too special. Barbequed veggies and a wicked peanut butter and chocolate pie. But other than that (and the fact that I have literally no homework for tomorrow), today was pretty average.

Not that I'm complaining.

I guess life's just... ordinary. Not bad, not good. Just normal.

And I'm 16 years old.

I remember being a little kid and imagining what my life would be like at 16. I thought I'd know guys and go out and do stuff. Or that I'd have my license and make sure to get it on my birthday.

I'm not what I expected. Which really isn't a bad thing.

Little kid expectations never really hit the mark, I think.

Blah. I don't know.

I'm just rambling now.

Emily

This Weekend...

OH MY GOSH.

It was FABULOUS.

Kelsie and I went to the AP Fall Ball Concert in San Diego... it was amazing. AMAZING.

All the bands were great. I wish the crowd had been more enthusiastic about The Secret Handshake. Set Your Goal's set was great... but kind of scary. Some dude behind us decided to try and crowd surf. And he wasn't tiny and young. And he was wearing boots. So I got kicked in the head. And some kids were running around punching people. That wasn't too cool either. But the band was great... you could tell they were really into what they were doing. The Academy Is... ... :). They played all the songs I hoped to hear that night. I was smiling and jumping and singing the entire set. It was amazing (what other word can I use?). And I caught Adam Siska's water bottle :D haha. And we had seen him in front of the venue right before the show, which was really cool. I wish we had seen more of Mayday Parade's set from the amazing view we had, but after TAI, I guess we felt kind of claustrophobic, so we needed to get out of the crowd (we had been in the dead center of it). But they were still really good.

Not to mention, I love San Diego. It was so gorgeous down there.. and we stayed in a beautiful hotel and... it was just amazing.

Emily

What a Year

I keep making promises to myself that I always break. Like, when I'm at school, I'll think, OKAY. Today, when I get home, I'll get Spanish done because it's easy, then I'll work on Bio and see how much I can get done in an hour or two and THEN I'll finish that English assignment. But you know what? IT NEVER WORKS. Whenever I get home, I always feel like the day has just drained me to the point that I could never go back to school (which I usually find decent) and sleep or veg forever. Which sucks.

I haven't disliked school so much for years. I mean, I've had times when I really don't want to go, but not this badly. Every morning, I wake up, and want to cry because I have to go back. Which is the last thing I want to do.

October will hopefully be, and has already been, a bit better, though. Junior Ring ceremony was fantastic :), then a movie night with my best friends that was spent half talking, half watching movies, and a quarter sleeping. No, I am not a math genius, as you can tell, but I'm not completely dumb. That time we spend together is more deserving than a 100%. So I give it 125%. If these people were your friends, you would understand.

They are the types that keep you grounded but flying high at all times. They listen, they help, they care. Every single one of them is the type that only comes around every [insert the earth's age here] years.

So. I guess that would be as much as I can say for now.

Em

I figure it was time...

Hello. It has been awhile.

I think it has been, at least.

I don't even know anymore.

This year has just been a complete roller coaster, to be honest.

I have lost track of all time.

What I DO know: I do not go a day without sleeping in class. I have not gotten to bed before 12 in weeks.

I guess I am a tad overwhelmed. But, I am almost done for tonight. So... that makes me fairly happy :)

So I think I'm headed to my dreamworld now.

See you all in the very near future.

Love,

Emily

PS: I know not a lot of you read this, if anyone actually does, but to those who do: go goggle Invisible Children and read about it. Sign the petition. It'll help thousands of innocent kids. Thank you.

Say you were to...

Put all of my pet peeves into a burrito? 

Well... let's see. 

The Tortilla: Most likely perpetual self-centeredness. Like, when someone KNOWS they can do something to help out, but just simply doesn't. For instance: a week long house guest is uses every towel in the bathroom (after being told and acknowledging which is hers) and then refusing to pick them up. Or expecting everyone to do dishes and clean up their messes for them. 

The Beans: Loud, disgusting chewing. Need I say more? 

The Cheese: Snorting. If someone has a cold, I mean, a LEGIT cold, and they need to keep their nose clear, that's one thing. But if someone has allergies and they keep on making that *SNOOORT* noise once every 30 seconds, even after being offered, and refusing, medicine.  

The Salsa: When someone complains about what your parents cannot do. A friendly consolation "Oh, that sucks!" is one thing, but a "Why the hell isn't your mom here yet? Why won't she take me to the movies at 9 p.m.?" is another. 

The Guacamole: People complaining about how much schoolwork another person has.  And telling them that, because they are working and need to get their schoolwork done, they are boring them.  Guess what? I am not your entertainment. 

The Lettuce: When people make judgements about my lifestyle.  I know I don't live an exciting life. I am a homebody. I like spending time at my house, or my friend's houses.  I don't go out all that much.  Because of the school I go to, I don't really know that many guys. But don't assume that I am A) some stuck up bitch who thinks she's better than anyone because I'm not and I can't even imagine me thinking that or B) that I am a complete nerd with no social life. Just because someone else's social life doesn't measure up to your own doesn't mean it's not a social life. 

I just want people to receive cold medicine when they need it, clean up after themselves, not chew so loudly, stay as open minded as they say they are, stop bitching and moaning, and give a shit about others.  

Is it REALLY that hard to care about others? 

Respect? 

It's seven letters.  Not that hard of a word. 

Wish me luck. 

1.5 weeks into summer. I'm late.

I love having cool, fresh air in the middle of summer.  It always relaxes me.  It gets so warm in my tiny room that opening the window is like starting something entirely new.  

That's kind of what this summer is for me.  It's a time to reset and restart.

This is definitely the busiest summer I've ever had.  Between summer work, babysitting(finally steadily), traveling, visitors, and hanging around with friends, I feel like I'm not giving myself the chance to be bored. But, I think that's okay.  

This is also my Most Looked Forward To summer.  In the past, I've never really appreciated summer vacation.  I've never really had the opportunity to. But, now that I'm surrounded by people that I truly love and trust, I feel like I can really enjoy this time of year when temperatures rise unreasonable amount, fruits are getting ripe, everywhere you go there is an unmistakable smell of sunscreen, and people are always talking about movies or the beach or swimming or other things like that. 

I guess I finally realized that summer is more than just a ridiculously hot season where kids have nothing to do.  It's an amazing time of the year where we are free to decide what we do, when we do it, and who we are with.  There are so many opportunities lurking in this season. 

LET'S GO! :D  

12:30 slap-happys

I guess I just cannot win for losing.  

You know those morals that your parents always push on you?  Study hard?  Help others? 

Well... I am sitting in my kitchen, working via phone with Lili on Chem.  It is 12:15 in them morning.  

My dad walks in and starts yelling at me.  

I don't get it: he wants me to study.  So I do.  And then he's upset cause I'm up too late.  

He wants me to be a good friend and help others.  So I try my best to be.  And he's upset I'm on the phone.  

Go figure.  

Parents piss me off.

Here is that really really long-awaited picture hahaha

Since I kept on forgetting... and I don't want to go to bed yet... :)

This is the Golden Gate Bridge from the San Francisco headed to Marin side.  That may or may not be spelled right, just warning you.  

So... yeah.  I've decided that I hate Los Angeles and pretty much anything south of it. But, the Bay Area is pretty cool.  

So... there you go.  Everyone should go there at least once in their lives.  

"Let's nuke the bridge we torched 2,000 times before..."

(PS: Bonus points for anyone who can tell me where an illustration of this bridge exploding can be found)

Just One Of Those Weekends...

Where I am up till 1:30 AM on the Sunday before I have to go back for my last week of classes.  I still haven't finished my math homework and I'm really not all that tired.  

I keep having extreme emotions. 

Sometimes, I am really happy.  Like, I just want to hug everyone and tell them how amazing they are.  

Then, I'm sad.  Because at some point the present will end and become the future.  That's not saying that the future won't be amazing, beautiful, and full of happiness, too, but sometimes things are just so wonderful I don't want to let them go.  

Or else I'm angry.  Angry with those around who refuse to compromise.  Angry with so-called friends who don't seem to understand what friendship actually is.  Angry with people who can't even pretend to be happy for the sake of those around them, just to see their friends smiling or enthusiastic about something.  Angry at myself for not working harder in the past year and a half to become who I want to be.  Angry at my parents for not listening to a word I have to say.  Angry at my brothers for not understanding why I can't cater to their every need. Angry with the government for not finishing jobs that it started long ago.  Angry with my teachers for not giving enough time to review and study. 

At this point, I stop caring and decide that the world will somehow fix itself.  

Rinse and repeat.  

Think I'll get some sleep now.  

"If I could open my arms..."

PS: Star Trek was amazing.  I highly recommend it.  I wish the final battle scene had been more epic, but it was still absolutely amazing.  

I stopped caring

And now I am totally screwed.  I was looking at UC Requirements tonight online, then I started thinking about how I have done nothing the last two weeks, which led me to freak out about how much stuff I need to do.  

And yet, instead of doing what I need to do, I write a blog.  

Funny world, isn't it?  

((BTW: Brownie back-off tomorrow! We will see if box or scratch are better... ))

Barbarbarbarbar

good things this weekend, i think.  

number one:  i think i can write again.  i mean, i always COULD write, but i started wanting to again today.  excellent new. 

number two: my dad brought home the new car from my gpa today.  so... i officially have a car that i cannot legally drive. 

number three: my dad met my half brother for the first time in forty-two years today.  he said it was a really good thing for him to do... relieving.  apparently, the three of us have the same eyes. :)

number four: i bought tickets for warped tour.  

number five: i learned about an awesome drum called a Hang.  its from Switzerland and is very interesting. 

number six: i made rice krispy treats with Lili.  it is most definitely true that one is always in the mood for one of those things.  

number seven:  i read a review of the new green day album in the NY times.  and it basically said it was a gift from heaven.  which makes me even more excited for it.  

number eight: i babysat probably one of the most fun kids to babysit ever.  even though my relationship with his older brother is kind of strained, he's a really cool kid.  

number nine: the bitch couple broke up. (YESS!!!)

number ten: i'm just really happy.  i don't really know why, but i am.  i haven't been so... relaxed in a while.  yes, it was a bit of a stressful weekend, and, like always, i didn't do what i should have done.  i didn't get through all of my homework and i didn't follow my carefully crafted schedule.  but you know what?  i think i am okay with that.  

actually, i am fucking fantastic with that. 

Never have I....

Ever wanted someone to leave my life so much.  Why can't I get away from this?  I just can't bring myself to move on... and it kills me.  I tried to delete you, but I can't.  I just... can't.  You affected my life in so many ways... you could never even begin to understand.  You would want to, anyway.  You wouldn't care.  I know you're awful for me, so why do I always want to go back?  

This kind of love is making me feel like a drug addict.  I'm just trying to get away... I know that if I try you out again, my life will just go downhill, but when I get my fix things feel so good.  The power you have over me is terrifying.  

I wish I could say I hate you.  I wish I could know if I loved you.  I just want to go back in time, and to have never sent that stupid email that brought you back into my life.  But you would be so much worse if I hadn't.  I would be so different, probably worse for it too.  

The fact that you can say that you haven't learned anything in the past year hurts.  I tried to help, but I couldn't.  I guess I am just as useless as you have always made me out to be.  

If I could, I would yell at you.  Tell you that you are a terrible person and that you would never change.  You would laugh at me in my anger and frustration, mock every word I would say to you.  You know that would fuel the rage.  I would eventually give up.  I would go home, defeated.  I would cry on the shoulders of my friends... my real friends.  Not you.  Not the one who called me his sister.  Not the one who hurt me, betrayed me, forgot me.  

I guess the trick is to not love you anymore.  

But I don't think I can do that.  

((Hooray for midnight ramblings that stem from procrastination, anger, and hurt)

You know

I write a ton of stuff here.  And then, I delete it because its too personal.  

I don't like blogging, I don't think.  

:)

its been awhile

Hello there.  Its been a really long time, so I thought I might drop in and say hello. :) 

Right now, I am basically obsessed with Death Cab for Cutie, Franz Ferdinand, and Jack's Mannequin.  But, I am looking for a bit of a change... 

Any suggestions? :D

Oh.  And Miley is going to try and "ruin Radiohead" because they didn't want to meet The Miley Cyrus.  Honestly, I would love to see her try.  Its kind of funny that she thinks she has that kind of power in the music industry though.  I mean, as frightening as a pack of pre-teen girls is... I don't think they can ruin Radiohead by stomping their feet and whining.  

AND, if it were to come to a bitch fight, who would win? 

Thom Yorke or Miley Cyrus?

Should I even bother ASKING that question? 

Sitting here. Its pretty.. not fun.

Okay, I am in the airport right now.  My mom and I are bored out of our minds.  I'm looking forward to going back to the bay for a few days and seeing the fam.  Well.. not so much the second part.  I'm actually not really looking forward to it all.  My grandparents are going to be nice, but the rest... ehh... not so much.  Something funny that has happened to me today:  We were sitting here and they were calling out names of people who need to get to their flight or they'll miss it and these three people go SPRINTING down the hall.  The funny part: about two seconds later an attendant at the gate next to us came on, saying: "Jet Blue, there are runners at Gate Six." which I found pretty funny.  My mom just went off to get gum and won't answer her phone.  Blah.  

Something I always find interesting about airports is how everyone always has a different reaction to being here.  One woman is really jittery, looking all over the place and fidgeting.  Another is calmly reading a book and drinking some coffee.  The old couple across the isle from me is looking at something on their laptop, seeming very stressed.  A Simon&Garfunkel song just came on and I am currently rocking out. Not really.  But I like this song.  I think I'm going to go now, and blog again when I get to my grandparents' house.  I'll put up a picture... anyone care to help me figure out how? 

my BIGGEST pet peeve

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it times a million when people try to be weird.  Or different.  Or crazy.  Or looked upon as being one thing or the other.  A loser.  A freak.  A slut. Whatever.  I just don't get it.  I mean, we all have days of wanting to be other than ourselves, but when a person is acting all the time, trying to get attention by reading this kind of book or constantly writing in a notebook that makes you look weird or different.  I am all for breaking the social norm, but not on purpose.  My goal in life is to be who I am, act the way I act, do the things I do without any other reason than that is who I am, or the way I am, or what I do.  I know that I probably do some things like this, too but in many ways that is just defense.  My biggest issue with myself is that I go on autopilot and act like I like a person, even if I cannot stand them.  I am working on that because it is annoying, dishonest, and stupid.  

So... my message to whoever reads this blog is don't be someone for anyone but you because there are a million freaks and popular girls, but only one person like you.  That will always be true.  

Now I am rhyming, so that means its quitting time. :)

Listening to Christmas Songs in February

It's actually pretty... weird.  Listening to Christmas by The Who.  Which is a pretty good song regardless of the season.  So... it works.  

Anywho... I think that people are really annoying.  Just, like, everyone.  Very few people are NOT getting on my nerves.  But, I think I am most sick of people who are just annoying.  There isn't really anything to pinpoint the reason... or there are too many reasons.  Probably the latter.  I think a few of you know who I am talking about.  And I really and truly want to hit her in the head with a shovel.  I think my big problem with her is conformity and ignorance.  Which is bliss until everyone ditches you.  Which is going to happen sooner or later.  I hope.  

About conformists... I'm sorry: but that is pathetic.  I mean, yeah, I will admit to telling a few white lies when I am first meeting people to avoid weird looks or rude comments.  But, to change around your whole life and style JUST to fit in with this group of people... that is SO dumb.  What is the point?  Oh! There is none.  If you don't fit in with a certain group, find people you DO fit in with.  I mean, I wouldn't start rolling my skirt too short and caking my face with make-up just, dumbing myself down to sit with the sluts.  That is so dumb.  I could NEVER degrade myself that way and no one should.  It is pathetic.  

About ignorance... well... more than just ignorance.  People don't get it when they want you to go away... I HATE that.  And when people think they are so this or that.  GOD I hate that.  And just.. there are so many things.  Like, when people write lyrics when they don't care about them.  When they just pass them around for anyone to read and make changes.  I couldn't do any of that... the stuff I write is way to close to my heart to let ANYONE see.  Not even my best friend... not even my own mother.  It makes no sense to me.  

I know we are all guilty of these things some of the time, but when it gets to be as bad as this person is, someone needs to yell at her.  

Everything In Between

I don't even know what I want to write about.  Maybe... double standards?  Pity? Confusion?  I have no idea.  See, that is how confused I am.  There are a lot of things wandering around in my crazy head today.   News Flash:  I am one lucky person.  Like, you have no idea. I put my earbuds through the wash and they still work.  Wow... hahaha.  

Umm... I have an idea!  How about I don't write about any of the things previously listed and I talk about something else?  Okay, sounds good.  

So... right now I am basically bored out of my mind with everything.  Things are just so... tiring these days.  There's a lot of stuff going on... a lot of weird things happening... some good, some not.  Opinions are changing so fast I can't wrap my head around one of my own let alone those of others.  And yet, even with all the changes, everything is boring.  I mean, the changes happen so often, they have become small, routine.  I think that's the best way to put it.  Everything is part of a routine.  

Things are all too much like getting up in the morning.  Like going through my classes, talking to friends, smiling and laughing no matter how I really feel. Its just so... boring.  The same thing everyday and everyone is the same and nothing is ever changing and la ti da ti da.  I guess its just where I am now... what I'm doing.  Sophomore slump and all that jazz.  

It still sucks ass though.  

I guess I'll be explaining more later...? 

After I finish homework. 

Just the beginning

So... I start this today with absolutely no one reading this thing and no true reason for putting it out there in the first place.  I'm kind of excited, I guess... it'll be a nice place to just kind of let loose.  Or whatever I end up using this for.  I know I used such a cliche title for this, but I am actually listening to A Day In The Life by The Beatles... and it is one of my favorite Beatles songs.  So, if you have a problem, you can shove it.  I'm brainstorming of what I want to do with this... maybe have a daily topic of what not to be or do or something.  Or weekly.  Or whenever I can get to it, but I'll call it daily because it sounds cool.  Or maybe I'll have it weekly so then I can work and write something completely profound each week.  But, then someone is bound to rip me off.

I guess today's entry will be about blabbering because that is what I am doing.  Just talking without purpose or reason... not eve knowing who you are talking to or what you are talking about.  Its pretty fun... I don't mind when others do it.  Unless I'm tired.  If someone is in a bad mood, blabbering on and on is obnoxious, as we all know I am sure.  

Motormouths are the worst though.  I mean, its one thing to just talk and talk and talk about something stupid and pointless for a few minutes or hours, but another thing to never shut up.  For instance, there is this one girl in my zero period at school who doesn't understand the concept of shutting up.  I've known her since I was little and she never grew out of it.  She has been and is despised for it.  She is the most obnoxious person in the world... totally full of judgements and hate.  I mean, we were kind of friends last year, but not anymore.  I hang out with "the losers" I guess and she hangs out with people who are... well... I don't know how to explain it.  But I don't generally get along with them.  At. All.  And I don't care that her and I get along.  She isn't a very nice person... especially if she doesn't care about seeming to hate people just because it will make her popular.  And I think watching her parade around them, kneeling to their every wish in a ridiculous attempt to be liked is humorous out of her sheer idiocy.  Oh, and this girl and I have a history too, but that's a different story.  

I am going to end this now before it becomes a post about people who are fake too.  Which I will probably end up devoting many a-post to because it is something I think I see too much around people I am friends with.  It is probably my biggest pet peeve.  I hate it.  I know I am probably guilty of it too at some level or another, but not really.  Not like the people I know.  

So... anyway... I think that is all for right now.  I am going to go wash my face and get into bed... maybe write more later because I'll have nothing else to do.  So.. goodnight to my nonexistent readers.  I shall most likely be speaking with you again sooner than you would like.